I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
