...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
