This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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