Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
