As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
