I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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