No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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