He kissed a someone with a penis
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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