Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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