i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
