if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
we're chasing vodka with high fives
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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