I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
