After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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