Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
