Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
