Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
