i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
