Will you blow on my dice?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
