Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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