I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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