she smelled like a LAN party
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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