I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
