How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
