I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
