u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
