A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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