I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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