this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
