420 ftw
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
