I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
