Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
