you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
