Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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