I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
