I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
