Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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