Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
