my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
