i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just cropdusted the office
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
