I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just high enough for therapy.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
