"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
