addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
