In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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