We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize