I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
God gave him joint rollers for hands
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i've created a new STD.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
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