Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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