once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize