Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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