you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
