I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i drank out of a bidet.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
