JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
