I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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