Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
