my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
