AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
