He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i think i have two assholes
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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