the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
