smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
