forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
