It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize