spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
