ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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