Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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