I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
