Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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