So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
